All In My Head

Dazed and Confused. Lost in my own mind. No Control... Thinking... of what? God only knows.
Am I finally going insane??? Maybe...
I just wish I could take my brain out of my head and put it on the table next to me and just tell it to 'Chill!'.
My head is about to explode!
Am I depressed? or just being stupid? Nothing makes sense anymore. I wanna get high. So high that I just can't feel anything.
So many questions but no answers. I'm going crazy. Make it stop!
I need help. Am I too scared to ask for it? or just too proud? What's wrong with me?????
Issues... Can't cope... It's like a f*#^ing long a$$ nightmare that never ends.
So messed up... Wish I didn't care. So many memories and flashbacks.
So much pain. Where is it all coming from?
"Come on.. Write down what you feel."...... I can't do it anymore

Im Still Around

Sorry I havent updated in a while... Ive been really busy with Uni and stuff... But Ill try to update as soon as i can...

PEACE!

GO FRANCE GO!

I knew they'd come back. i love them! GO FRANCE GO! GO FRANCE GO! If they win the world cup that would be amazing for me ofcourse. Henry I love you!!! These guys kicks F%#!in Butt! (oops , excuse my french lol)


FRANCE! FRANCE! FRANCE!

Australia Smoke Free

Starting at 12.00 midnight, on the 1st of July, you were not allowed to smoke anywhere indoors. No more smoking in clubs, restaurants, anything that's indoors. Never seen so many people on a Friday night on the streets of the city smoking on the streets. I actually didn't feel like I needed a cigarette and preferred staying indoors dancing to the music. I think it's a god idea to stop smoking indoors. Maybe it might in courage smokers to actually quick.
When I'm in Oman I never smoke a cigarette and don't even feel like I need one. But When I'm in Australia I just have to smoke one after another. I know it's a disgusting habit and I do regret even starting at a really young age. But I'm actually going to try to quit. I've done it before so I know I can do it again. Maybe I'll cut down first. Baby steps. One step at a time. It calms me down sometimes when I'm stressed out but it's just not healthy.
Anyways I hope this new rule actually gets people to quit. The commercials are even worse and the cigarette packs are just sick.





Ok I know the picture isn't clear but on the left it shows a picture of a healthy lung and on the right its Emphysema.
Right under the pictures it says " Emphysema is a disease where the airsacs in the lungs are gradually destroyed, making it hard to breathe. Sufferers describe it as a living,breathing hell. Nearly all emphysema is caused by tobacco smoking."
Doesn't that just make you wanna quit?

Being The Only Child

It is fun being the only child sometimes because you get what you want and get all the attention from your parents. I grew up with my cousins. My mum's sister's kids. They were like my brothers and sisters. We went to school together. I practically lived with them in their house. Even though we grew up together, we weren't really acting or felt like we were brother and sister. I was still the outsider.
Now that we're all older and wiser I thought things had changed and we were even closer now then we were when we were kids. But it hasn't. I still am and always will be the outsider... The cousin ONLY. Im not sad or even mad about it because at the end of the day its their lives and its their family.I happy with the life I have. I just wish I did have a brother or a sister.
I have friend's that have brothers and sisters and I see the love and the care they have for each other and how they always have each other's backs. I wish I could have that same family warmth and closeness. I mean I am really close to my mum. If fact, in my eyes she is my only family and I love to to death for doing everything she's ever done for me.
It's different when you do have a larger family I guess. It kind of feels lonely sometimes being the only child. But I guess thats why I'm really close to some of my friends. I have those few people in my life who I know will always have my back. Even though were from different muthas.

Women Vs Football

I know ALOT (and when I mean a lot, I mean ALOT!) of women who hate football and can't stand it when their men watch because when they watch it, it's like they've been hypnotized by the T.V.. They can't hear,move,see or feel anything else except Football. It's like a religion. I used to be one those women and I understand the frustration they're going threw. But then I said " why don't I try and watch it. Maybe I just might get into it ". And I did. It's one thing you can't take away from them. And lady's its just football! If you still feel like you still hate it, then do something else with your time like maybe go shopping or hang out with friends.
I like watching football now. I even have a favorite team and player. Arsenal and Thierry Henry ( I think he's so hot!).
Actually if it wasn't for a close friend I wouldn't be watching football today. He came to me once and said "Baby, I just want you to know football is my religion, and when it's on, I have to watch." So I started watching it with him and started getting to know most of the players in different teams. I used to be goalie on my girls soccer team in school. I play it on play station and I've kicked ass a few times.
Since the world cup started I started feeling the energy just like everyone else in the world. All the excitement and the all the pounding your heart does went you're waiting for the goal from your country or favorite team.
Well anyways, may the best country win. Hey ladies, what can I say " If you can't beat. Join 'em!"

Untitled Feelings by Danielle S. Lumpkin

When my family is sleeping, dreaming sweet dreams.
I'm wide awake, crying, trying not to see.
That's I'm not that happy girl you see with a big beautiful smile.
I'm the girl that is bleeding inside, so broken and I.
Have to face the real world everyday.
That is filled with disappointed and hurt.
I feel so alone, in a crowded room.
I feel cold, when the sun is shining.
I feel unloved, surrounded by my friends.
I feel ignored, so doomed.
When my friends are out having fun.
I'm alone in my room wondering why.
I'm so different from everyone else, so unique and sad.
Don't know what to believe in anymore love or even God.
Why does he hate me? I ask myself.
Does he see I need help, attention and things to figure out.
I feel so scared, when there is nothing to fear.
I feel so torn, but still in one piece.
I feel distant yet some cruel towards the people around me.
I feel death, I can feel it near.
They try to understand my pain, my feelings.
But they end up lost in my mind that's pretending.
To be lighthearted, when I'm about to explode with anger.
I can't forget my past, present, and future.
I'm so tired of feelings of loneliness.
Sitting in the dark, crying, full with regret.
I feel like I have noone to trust.
Do I have bad judgment or am I just too nice.
I don't wanna die alone that's my biggest fear.
I need someone to rescue me and take me away from here.